What is happening to me?

I divorced 6 years ago because I felt I wasnt able emotionaly survive with my husband. He was not a bad man but was a very rigid and I even I loved him very much I couldnt take it anymore. I was always under control: or my family or my husband and never had a chance to live life on my own terms. I was very excited to brake free and believed my life would be just great from now on.





I have education, attractive and smart so I thought I would be just fine. Only problem was that I wasnt born in USA, I came from Eastern Europe and my ex is white American from middle class.





However, somehow thing turned out different. First I could not meet new friends who would undertand my craving to be my own person. Or I do not know where to find them. So, after all these time I still have no friends. Than I met guy after guy who were nothing but abusive and when I finaly thought I meet an innocent one (as myself) who want a real thing, he ended up being the worse of all end I was for about a year manipulated, used and lyied to that realy took toll on my self esteem amd emotional health. I stopped sleeping and became depressed.





I did not even recover yet when my ex husband, who actualy still my best friend than betrayed my trust for the first time in our history and we stopped being friends. That added to my depression, I had no job, I lost my only friend and was obsolutely destroyed. My mother and my sister added to it stilling my share to our family property...





Here I was, no money, job, friends, family and health... I was thinking to die every day for 3 years. I also realized I was too naive, too trustfull and too inexpirinced... My self esteem was completely going... I tryed survive, doing all kinds of odd jobs but my health my looks my hopes was all going..





Now I started talking to my mother and moved in with her, I am doing a very low payng job with college degree and tried do not think too much because I am afraid where my thinking would take me ...





Please, any advise as for how to get my life back...What is happening to me?
I think what jumps out at me first is your description of your now ex-husband. He was controlling and inflexible. Why do you think you chose to marry someone like that? Was your father or a close male relative much the same way when you were growing up? This isn't always the case, but it often is.





It seems as though you feel that you are so dysfunctional that the only men who would want you also have lots of issues themselves. This is a very common, but also very unfortunate cycle that people get caught in over and over again. Breaking that cycle requires courage and also the ability to see yourself in a better light. What you seek is to believe that you really are a worthwhile person, and I know that you are.





Once you believe it, then you will be on the road to recovery. Learn to love yourself.What is happening to me?
no simple answer to solve your problem, i would suggest you see a psychologist to help sort out your issues and find the answers you need.